Dear Ego:7/24
From the journal July 2024:
Dear Ego,
I want you to know that I understand you’re afraid. It’s okay. I am too. Fear has this funny way of wrapping itself around us, doesn’t it? It’s like a thick fog that can obscure our vision and make the world feel daunting. But here’s the thing: I need you to know that it’s perfectly normal to feel this way, especially when we’re on the brink of something new and uncertain.
But I also know that you know I must study the feeling. I must lean into it, explore its contours, and understand the root of that fear. It’s working, I promise. I’m finding clarity in the drawing, the walks in nature, the crying that sometimes spills over when the weight becomes too heavy. Those moments of sweaty discomfort—oh, how they teach me! They remind me that growth is often messy and that it takes courage to face the parts of myself I’d rather ignore.
I’m searching for truth in honest conversations, finding solace in meditation, and pouring my heart into painting and writing. Each stroke of the brush, each word written, is a step toward uncovering the layers of who I am. Gardening, too, has become a sanctuary—a way to reconnect with the simple beauty of life and the earth. And oh, the simple as hell breathing! It’s the most grounding practice of all, isn’t it? Just being, just existing, just feeling the air fill my lungs, reminding me that I am alive.
And here’s the magical part—I’m becoming myself again. There’s even someone here, the one… the one who makes me feel warmth, makes me smile, the one I want to kiss, to hold, and to love. Yes, it’s true! Day by day, I’m coming back to life, and it feels exhilarating.
I took my time, dear Ego, because the flower can’t be rushed. There’s a natural rhythm to growth, a delicate unfolding that requires patience and gentleness. So, I ask you to be gentle with me. I need your support as I navigate this journey, as I embrace the beauty of vulnerability and the power of authenticity.
There’s so much more story to tell, and I want you to be a part of it. Let’s walk this path together, hand in hand. Let’s explore the fears and the joys, the heartaches and the triumphs. Together, we can create a life that reflects the fullness of who we want to be.
With love,
Me
