What’s Waiting?: 12/24
From the journal December 2024:
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us”—Joseph Campbell
There’s something exhilarating about stepping out onto the tightrope of life without a safety net, isn’t there? When I made the decision to pursue art as a career, I remember staring into that vast precipice of uncertainty. It was terrifying, yet I felt an undeniable pull to just jump, to leap into the unknown without another job to fall back on—not even a part-time gig. I simply began painting, sharing my creations with the world, vulnerable and exposed.
But I quickly realized that merely painting and sharing wasn’t enough. I had to embrace the full messiness of this choice, to confront all the difficulties and discomfort that came with it. I didn’t want to hide behind anything; I wanted to reveal both the ugly and the beautiful sides of my journey. Initially, I thought this path would be more about self-exploration than the art itself. Little did I know that sharing my process would become a deep dive into self-discovery.
The journey has been challenging, to say the least. It’s a constant cycle of seeking approval and acceptance, even when I tell myself I’m above such things. The questions never end: Why do I choose these materials? Why these colors? Why focus on these subjects? Why does my artwork matter? The “why” becomes a relentless loop, making it feel impossible at times to keep rewriting my story in different formats, using fresh words to express the same core emotions.
Yet, therein lies the beauty. This process of self-reflection is crucial. It reminds me that every relationship, every goal, every challenge is a process. And the essence of being an artist is understanding that the journey matters more than the outcome. It’s in honing in on the aspects of my practice that bring me joy and yield the greatest returns where true growth occurs.
Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of being content with where I am right now. Sometimes, I must let go of my rigid plans to embrace opportunities for growth, which may not even involve picking up a brush. The steps taken in self-reflection often become the most significant catalysts for artistic development.
It has taken me 46 years to become who I am today, a journey marked by the realization that valuing the process over the outcome is key. Don’t get me wrong—the fruits of self-reflection and personal growth are gratifying, but without a deep understanding of my own unique process, I wouldn’t have arrived here.
Everyone’s journey is distinct, even if our art appears similar on the surface or our educational backgrounds align. You can share your process, but the nuances of how you navigate it are inherently yours, shaped by the hard work and experiences that have led you there. You can follow someone else’s steps, but unless you’ve experienced their trials and victories, their process won’t hold the same weight for you.
Ultimately, we must be willing to let go of plans—our own, society’s, anyone’s expectations—and embrace experience. It is through experience that we learn, and in that learning, we come to recognize the true value of our art. If we commit to doing the work, our art will not only change us but will also become the most profound tool in honing our skills.
