Let It Unfold 11/24:

This afternoon, I found myself in a situation that felt like a familiar adversary—a drawing class that, at first glance, seemed innocuous enough but quickly morphed into a whirlwind of stress. Thirty minutes to capture a scene, and then the terrifying moment of sharing what I drew with the group. I can’t recall the last time I felt such a surge of anxiety, and suddenly I was back in the echoing halls of art school, revisiting all the reasons I had grown to loathe that environment. The emphasis on competition, the need to find a “best” and a “worst,” the labels of winner and loser—it all felt so stifling, so contrary to the joyous spirit of creativity I wanted to embrace.

But despite the nerves that bubbled beneath my skin, despite the rebellious voice in my head urging me to flee, something shifted. This class, in all its stressful glory, began to retrain my brain, teaching me to draw with a looser hand, to let go of the rigid expectations that had shackled my creativity for so long. After a hiatus from drawing, I felt rusty, but I also felt a flicker of excitement, a reminder of how much I truly enjoy creating art, even as my OCD clings to the imperfections like an unwanted shadow.

I was reminded of a moment from my past, a day in art school when I sat in a drawing studio, tears streaming down my face as I berated myself for my work. The instructor approached me, a calm presence amidst my storm, and told me my drawing was beautiful. I couldn’t comprehend how this could be true. “It’s not perfect enough,” I lamented, detailing all the ways I could fix this line or that shade. I was so consumed by the notion of perfection that I failed to appreciate the beauty of the process itself. 

Now, with the wisdom of time and experience, I understand that art is not about achieving some unattainable ideal. It’s about the journey from a blank sheet to a finished piece, the alchemy that occurs when I allow my intuition to guide me. Each stroke, each hesitation, and each moment of joy or frustration is part of the unfolding narrative, and in this liberating space, surrendering to the act of creation. It’s intoxicating to let the artwork emerge as it needs to, to embrace the imperfections without the weight of judgment. The freedom to listen to my instincts, to allow the piece to become what it will—this is where the magic lies. This is what I yearn for, and what I’m learning to embrace. 

Today was a reminder that the process of creation can be both exhilarating and terrifying, but ultimately, it is a journey worth taking. I am learning to enjoy the ride, to celebrate the messiness of it all, and to find beauty in the uncertainty.