Dear Love(2) 11/24:

From the journal November 2024:

Dear Love,

I’m sorry,  
for the blindness that wrapped  
around my heart like a shroud,  
a suffocating veil,  
darkening the clarity I craved,  
each breath a struggle  
in the murky depths of doubt.  
In frantic attempts to prove my worth,  
to shine under the weight of your gaze,  
I stumbled through a maze of my own making,  
lost in the labyrinth of my insecurities,  
where shadows whispered lies,  
and I failed to see the story blooming,  
the delicate blanket you wove  
with threads of patience,  
each word a lifeline cast  
into the churning waters of my fear.

Now, as I sit here,  
the weight of my mistakes pressing down,  
leaden as the sky before a storm,  
I am gripped by a chilling fear,  
have I lost you for good?  
Is it too late for our hearts  
to find their way back?  
The thought that the happiness  
I once saw radiating from your face  
has flickered, vanished into the ether,  
terrifies me,  
I can almost feel it slipping,  
grains of sand in an hourglass,  
each moment lost a haunting echo  
of what could have been,  
what should have been.

I replay our moments,  
the laughter like music,  
the tenderness that wrapped us  
in a cocoon of warmth,  
the silences that spoke volumes,  
and it feels as if I am watching  
a film unravel, frame by frame,  
the flickers of joy dancing upon your face,  
the light that filled the spaces between us,  
and I wonder,  
did I extinguish that flame,  
my own reckless disregard  
the wind that snuffed it out?

Oh, how I wish to turn back time,  
to listen more closely,  
to understand the depths of your heart,  
the sincerity of your love,  
but here I stand,  
at the precipice of what I fear is ending,  
grappling with the fear  
that I am too late to mend  
what has been frayed,  
too late to grasp your hand  
and pull you back  
into the warmth of my embrace,  
to show you that I can learn,
that my love for you has not waned,  
but has grown in shadows,
in the quiet corners of regret.

Please, if there is still a flicker of hope,  
let it be known,  
let me prove that I can see you now,  
truly see you,  
and the love that we could still share,  
a flame waiting to be rekindled,  
a promise lingering in the air,  
that we might find our way  
through the darkened paths,  
back to the light.